Viewing one post  //  View all recent posts


06.06.17

I am awesome

I am awesome. Those were the first 3 words that came out of my mouth when a new friend wanted to interview me. I think he was taken back a little; his reaction seemed a little off and almost 10 years later, he still tells this story. What could it have been? Was it too Egotistical? Too Confident? Too True? These thoughts would often race my mind as I would refer back to other family members and close friends joking that I 'have a big head' - it was even in several of the toasts at my wedding. I love a good laugh and it is all in good fun, but I began to question myself and often times put myself down so that the notion of being too confident would never cross anyone's mind. My thoughts began to break me down and I began to hide some of the real me for fear that somebody would take it the wrong way and think negatively of me. Self Criticism is so unhealthy for the soul. We all should feel free to share our beauty, our kindness, our awesome with the world.

When I said I was awesome, I meant it, but maybe it wasn't heard the way I intended it. I believe everyone should love themselves and if you don't, why the hell not? I'm a good person, and if you've met me for more than a minute, I wouldn't have to explain why. Just put it this way, it has nothing to do with my art or my work and everything to do with being me. Of course I have flaws, just like you, but I don't need to point those out, I just work on them everyday. Even at 40 years old make bad decisions. Often. And I have to take responsibility for them when I'm around my little ones to show them first hand that we are all flawed.

A decade ago, my partner Maria Chang and I joined forces and pioneered the 'Couture Boudoir' - a day of glamour and passion with an award winning hair & makeup artist and equally acclaimed photographer. At the time, Photographers were not yet offering Styled Shoots and Boudoir definitely felt like taboo no matter how beautiful we made it. It was amazing, but I was so afraid of what people would think that I didn't blog about it or post it on social media, and I never admitted what I did when I first met someone. Fuck what a shame.. But I think if I didn't feel this way then, I couldn't possibly feel the freedom that I do now. When moving to Kansas I was worried I would be kicked out for the work I did. While I didn't do much local work during our stay (I traveled home for shoots often) I was greeted with some of the kindest people on the planet and never once felt judged. Although there was one BIG thing I still didn't share with most..

My husband says he knew right away, but maybe it was because of the guy I was dating.. I've always been incredibly responsible and driven, pretty much every job I've ever had, I've taken the place over. I've got my shit together, but for most of my adult life I've kept a secret for fear of not being taken seriously, or being labeled a criminal or druggie or letting my parents down. I've got a conservative but understanding husband and I can count on one hand the close friends that will join me, but for every other aspect of my life, I've hid it. I've felt shame. I've always been different than the other girls, usually labeled the crazy one who talks about sex, shoots naked chicks and smokes pot. And I am crazy, but in a wholehearted, antagonistic way. For me, Cannabis calms my mind and arouses my creativity. The legalization of Cannabis has opened the doors to a brand new resource that can not only produce medicines, but paper and goods and art and enjoyable edibles :)

Maria and I have embarked on a new adventure photographing & marketing for Cannabis Lifestyle Brands & Products. Our mission is to kill the stigma that's associated with Cannabis and curate a Positive Image of Women & Cannabis. We want to promote self-love and empowerment and show that Cannabis isn't just about 'Bongs & Thongs' for women. Cannabis has no face. We are lovers, mothers, healers, professionals, sisters, artists... and some of us are fighting for our lives.

A couple of weeks ago, Maria & I were asked if "we even smoked weed?!" What does that mean? Is she falling for the same stereotypes that others do? Were we too put together or too successful to be stoners? I don't really know. Maybe I looked too square. I chose not to answer. I don't have to prove my weedness to anyone. But what I do have to prove is that Cannabis is not a bad thing, it has healed many many people, it's far safer than alcohol or prescription drugs and it is a sustainable product - it can make so many things! The legalization of Cannabis will change our world!

So where am I going with all of this? I'm feeling pretty alive right now and I'd like to share it with you however I can. Ladies, let's stop beating ourselves up and let's practice lifting one another up instead. It's pretty obvious that it is up to us to start changing this world. We are the ones raising our youth, educating them. It is our job to be the constant figure in their lives, to advocate for them. To advocate for us.. Stop competing with each other. If you see a girl working her confidence give her a hell yeah! And please.. the judging. this is so hard I know first hand, but let's practice opening our hearts and our minds to something that may be different that what we already know. I believe we have so much to learn from other people, share yourself with them and be loved.


For more up to date info on our new Cannabis Projects Follow our Instagram @MJLifestyle

Share Post:
4 Comments
Best of Wedding Photography
TRA
The Knot Best of Weddings 2012 Pick
Wedding Paper Divas
Professional Makeup Artistry